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 Post subject: Camera bump
PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 4:54 pm 
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Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2008 5:24 am
Posts: 9886
Location: North of the State of Jefferson
The camera bump on iPhones, etc., is annoying: if you don't have a case, then when you try to set the device flat on a hard surface, then use it, the whole thing knocks back and forth, which slowly drives you (well, me) nuts.

After considerable research, querying the vast collective intellect of the entire Internet, there is NO SOLUTION TO THIS! That's because, the entire Internet points out IN ALL CAPS: without the camera bump
a) the camera would either be crap, or
b) the device would have to be thicker, and
c) you're an idiot for even asking about this, duh, etc., etc...

OK, got it. We'll just set aside the fact that the reason you need a case is because the phone is so thin that the camera makes a bump, and because it'll snap in half if you look at it the wrong way, and if the phone weren't so thin then you wouldn't need a thick case, so the thinness sort of defeats itself, and set aside the fact that the real reason it's so thin is so that Apple won't have room to include a proper headphone jack so that you'll be more likely to buy some newfangled headset (from Apple) that costs $180. OK, got it. Moving on...

All that aside, I think there is possibly another solution to the camera bump problem that has so far eluded Apple's entire design team, and the entire collected wisdom of every human being on the Internet: add another bump.

Seriously! How hard can this be!? Put a little innocuous bump on the opposite side of the device from the camera bump that holds one end of the stupid phone 1.5 mm off the surface it's sitting on. Furthermore, after extensive research and engineering investment I have developed a process to retrofit such a bump to my iPod Touch:
1) Go to Safeway, or possibly other retailers offering a selection of self-adhesive products, and buy a roll of self-adhesive polymeric fastening material with a single-layer thickness of 0.2143mm. I used "Scotch" brand.
2) Acquire a pair of counter-rotating, sharpened, cutting utensils.
3) Separate 2.1005 inches of self-adhesive polymeric fastening material from the roll utilizing the cutting utensils, or just tear it. Whatever.
4) Further divide this length of fastening material in to sections 0.300071 inches in width.
5) Apply the self-adhesive portion of each section of fastening material in conforming parallel layers to the rear of the device, then to each previous layer, in a corner opposite the corner containing the camera bump but sharing one side in common with the camera bump's corner.
6) Place the device on a hard surface and inspect for wobble. If manufacturing or engineering defects are found, destroy the faulty prototype and reevaluate your quality control processes following audited ISO 9000 procedures.

I'd patent this, but I can't now that I've posted it.

- Anonymous


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 Post subject: Re: Camera bump
PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 5:31 pm 
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Joined: Mon Apr 21, 2008 2:03 am
Posts: 15088
I was about to suggest another bump. :)

Of course I'd suggest a dab of Siliocone Sealer & lay it on a piece of wx paper to level it to the right height.


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 Post subject: Re: Camera bump
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 11:24 am 
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Joined: Thu May 15, 2008 8:13 pm
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Location: Caught between the moon and NYC
But the second bump could remove all plausible deniability about not including a headphone jack.


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 Post subject: Re: Camera bump
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 11:59 am 
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Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2008 5:24 am
Posts: 9886
Location: North of the State of Jefferson
:ugeek: Good point. That's a very good point. <strokes chin thoughtfully>

Although I do feel compelled to point out that my iPod Touch does have a headphone jack.

- Anonymous


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 Post subject: Re: Camera bump
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:21 pm 
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Location: Caught between the moon and NYC
Which is why I'm surprised they didn't introduce the iPod Touch X today. For the low low low starting price of $600.


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 Post subject: Re: Camera bump
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 2:32 pm 
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How about an iPod Touch Xs Plus 2GB w iCloud VM for $1,300?


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 Post subject: Re: Camera bump
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 4:12 pm 
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Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2008 5:24 am
Posts: 9886
Location: North of the State of Jefferson
I think they'd offer an 8 GB model or a 256 GB for $500 more, so that if you happen to need more than 8 GB (your poor sap) you'll need to shell out the extra $500.

- Anonymous


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 Post subject: Re: Camera bump
PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 4:26 pm 
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Ah, I think you're failing to see where Apple's online service for VM would bring thousands more per device than a measly $500! :P


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