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 Post subject: My troubles are over...
PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 6:43 am 
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Benevolent Dictator
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I ws about to sk for some advice on this site, but got an SMS on my Wifi Hotspot...
Quote:
Hello my dear, how are you doing today? My name is Mr. Kelly Jacob Elbers and I'm contacting you regarding your approved unclaimed funds here in my office that worth sum of $2.7 million USD. Get back to me for more details on how to proceed with your claim.


Sort of shame I can't send or reply to SMSes.


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PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 11:16 am 
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What a shame! I was about to scream Thunderbirds are Go! Live like there's no tomorrow.

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PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 1:33 pm 
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I have so many people claiming I have unclaimed funds I swear they're going to appear on my tax returns soon.


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PostPosted: Wed May 17, 2017 8:02 pm 
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Thankfully I know of California's unclaimed funds website. I can search my name and find if I have anything owed me (I did - $1.24 from a CC credit years ago). Got the check in the mail two weeks ago. Yay. I'm rich. In 1980s pesos.

And I'm pretty sure this is where you would find unclaimed revenue in Washington State.

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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 7:11 am 
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Thanks ST, no luck there.


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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 5:44 pm 
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BDAqua wrote:
Thanks ST, no luck there.


I know, I looked up your name in the hopes you had something coming that could help at least mitigate your recent woes. :(

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PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 7:21 pm 
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Location: North of the State of Jefferson
Unfortunately, your sum of $2.7 MILLION USD will be redeemed exclusively in $5 USD denominated Apple iTunes® gift cards. Simple enter each 32-digit confirmation code and 16-digit card number to unlock your $5 iTunes® credit towards any iTunes® music of your choice, some restrictions apply, void where prohibited, NJ residents must send a birth certificate and proof of current residence by electronic facsimile to the phone number on the card, cards expire in 30 days or 15 days if you say anything mean about Steve Jobs, NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, OR AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, iTunes playback must be paused in the event of nuclear meltdown or air collision, other exceptions, exclusions, or limitations may apply.

Apparently iTunes® gift cards are the new coin of the realm seeing as I was just sued by the IRS and must immediately surrender the sum of $12 THOUSAND USD, payable exclusively in iTunes® gift cards. Uncle Sam is apparently feeling a bit hard up, but at least those stodgy dull old IRS offices are gonna be rockin' out.

- Anonymous


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 4:10 am 
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Anonymous wrote:
Apparently iTunes® gift cards are the new coin of the realm seeing as I was just sued by the IRS and must immediately surrender the sum of $12 THOUSAND USD, payable exclusively in iTunes® gift cards. Uncle Sam is apparently feeling a bit hard up, but at least those stodgy dull old IRS offices are gonna be rockin' out.

- Anonymous

I hate to break the bad news to you, but you fell for a scam. Hope you didn't pay up yet. That wasn't a legitimate phone call or e-mail telling you that you're being sued. The IRS doesn't accept iTunes gift cards. They only accept cash, which must be brought to your local IRS office. They give the address in the e-mail--in my case the office in the back of a 99 cent store. That's how I paid up. They gave me an official receipt, so I'm in the clear now.


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 12:17 pm 
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I can't believe it! You mean I can't pay my taxes with iTunes gift cards!?? Who could possibly know that? Now what am I going to do with a bankers box full of them? I guess I'll just stockpile them in a bunker in my backyard so I'll have something valuable after the world is reduced to a charred post-apocalyptic wasteland.

- Anonymous


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PostPosted: Fri May 19, 2017 2:27 pm 
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Damn gubbermint, one part wants iTunes gift cards, another wants cash, another wants wire transfers, and so on and so on. Why can't they standardize on one form of payment?! This is part of the government waste Nixon Reagan Bush Dubya Trump is going to eliminate.


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PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2017 6:27 am 
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guys, thank you! i should be getting $954.92 from my old STATE OF CALIFORNIA SAVINGS PLUS PROGRAM i was forced into working at a university when i was in my early 20s. i had no idea how to get at this! :welcome:


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PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2017 4:07 pm 
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Awesome. The only money I know that's coming my way is a class action suit against a law firm who got caught overcharging. I'm sure a check for $.02 will be winging its way to my mailbox any day now.


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PostPosted: Sat May 20, 2017 5:05 pm 
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Great news, is it time for more aquariums?


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PostPosted: Mon May 22, 2017 1:26 pm 
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mc68k wrote:
guys, thank you! i should be getting $954.92 from my old STATE OF CALIFORNIA SAVINGS PLUS PROGRAM i was forced into working at a university when i was in my early 20s. i had no idea how to get at this! :welcome:


Great news! The feeling is sweeter when you don't see the money coming.

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VILA: They missed us! Avon's gadget works!
BLAKE: [to Avon] Is something wrong?
AVON: It just occurred to me, that as the description of a highly sophisticated technological achievement, 'Avon's gadget works' seems to lack a certain style.


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